it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
