Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
