how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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