I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
farters have to be the big spoon...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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