I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish my penis had a tongue
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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