I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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