maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize