Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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