the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
