another moral hangover. fuck.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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