$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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