they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
