I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
