What did we do last night that was yellow?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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