There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
