there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
