I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
All I want is dick and wine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
