So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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