Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
