did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
