so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
