She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
