I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
