my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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