i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Couch. On fire.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
