do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
