Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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