i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
