last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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