Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
