and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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