So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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