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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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