Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
