sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
