Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
