do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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