I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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