cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
