so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
