i permit you to call me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
