Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
