Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
