my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
