She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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