I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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