38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
