mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
