i don't like sucking hair
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
