Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
