Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
