I met the friendliest cop last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize