WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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