I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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