Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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