if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sober January is a disaster.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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