You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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