i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
