Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
