We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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