You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
