the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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