My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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