When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
