Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
