I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So squirting runs in the family.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
