you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
