who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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