i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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