i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize