Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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