My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
