um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize