Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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