It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
