East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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