My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
