So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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