Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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