The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
