My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
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