I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
