dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
