another moral hangover. fuck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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