Non-Jews are for practice
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
