Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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