When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
